Akhand Singh

Blood runs from her nose to her neck, unaware what is going on I run up to call reception for help.

“I have an emergency, there is a little girl who is bleeding in my room,” I yell

“I am her dad? What is she talking about? How could that be possible? I never had any kid, how can I be her dad,” I think

“Dad, come here, please don’t leave me alone” she cries and I go to her, hold her hands into mine and sit next to her.

“Ambulance will be here soon kid, just hang in there” I assure

“Dad, why did you do that? Why did you kill me?” She asks

“What are you talking about kid? I don’t even know you” I say, confusion and worry over rules my soul and I seem to stand in a courtroom for trial over an unknown crime.

Her eyes were blinking like she was telling the truth, sweat drops from my hair to my hands and then her pain becomes the tears rolling down to my chin, drawing a line on my face marked with worries ,confusion and moreover the concern for this young woman who is lying on my arms and still bleeding.

“Do you love me Dad?” She asks, I pause for a moment and then I reply, “Yes kid, I love you”.

“No you are lying,” She screams.

“I am not lying kid” I assure.

“No you are lying! You hate me and that is why you killed me?” She screams with eyes wide open.

“I didn’t kill you,” I say

“No you are lying! You killed me, you killed me,” she repeats with anger and pain.

“What’s going on, why is she blaming me? I don’t even know her” I remain confused and worried.

“Where the hell is ambulance?” I scream.

“Dad, I am going to die” She says, her hands grab mine firmly, the emotion and thought of losing her also grabs me now, there is so much of innocence on her face, love on her eyes that was beyond anything  I ever felt before. I realized that she had held me so tight that my heartbeat was going through its own difficulties; it was becoming tough to breathe.

“Why did you kill me Dad?” she asked again.

I kept quiet, with no idea what to say my mind grabbed a low height of silence and then wandered around the past trying to delve that one moment where I could have lost my control and would have to lead to moment of becoming a dad. However, why would I ever kill someone? Why would kill a child, my daughter? Questions were haunting me just as she was draining out of her blood.

“You don’t remember do you?” she looks at me and asks.

“I don’t remember what kid?” I say

“You don’t remember killing me?” She asks again.

“I never killed anyone kid” I reply

“No you did, you killed me when I was in Lisa’s womb,” she says.

The very words choke my heart and I slip into nostalgia.

About 4 years ago, I was sitting at my desk in my apartment, it had been a long day and struggling to find a job had been my life story. Holding on the pencil and staring at the blank sheet in front of me, I was just thinking if I was really a good cartoonist, would I even a make a career out of it and the stress of unemployment was definitely burdening my fingers and the curves that I was drawing seemed rough.

“Honey, I am home,” She says.

“I am here at my desk Lisa,” I say.

“So here is my baby, come to me” she says and jumps on me, the touch of her skin soothes me down, stress seemed to disappear and I feel brand new again.

“How was your day?” she ask

“Same old, they didn’t hire me, I don’t even know any more if my work is really worth something,” I say

“Don’t say that, I know you are very talented, you will find a good job, somewhere where your talents would definitely be recognized” she says, the very comfort and confidence in her voice have helped me to go on this long.

“What would I do without you?” I hug her, the young heart tapped upon her heartbeat and then we made love. Lisa and I have lived together since 3 years now, we plan to marry each other but only after, I got a job and I can pay for the living. She works in a flower shop that is where I first met her, the lucent eyes held me so tight that I could not resist falling in love with her. We were living happily until one day when she broke the news that she was pregnant with my child.

Just as if night slips into the canvas and draws out the day, the news changed the course of our lives for the next few months. It wasn’t that I was not happy but the fear of having a child when I don’t even had money to feed myself drew me out as some demon and I forced her to have an abortion.

“Are you serious? I can’t do this, it’s our baby,” she yells,

“We don’t have any choice baby, we can’t raise a child now,” I say

“I can’t do this, I won’t do this” She cries and runs to her room.

Four days later, after her abortion I bring her back to our house and as she steps into the door she breaks so bad that her tears won’t stop. I take her inside to the bedroom and help her to lie down. I hold her hand just as I was holding now, wipe her tears and help her sleep. However, something changed since then, Lisa was no longer the woman I knew, she was always lost and crying and with time, our relationship died.

I have been alone since then, love didn’t happen twice moreover I never wanted it to, still holding the hope of us to be together and feeling the guilt for what I have done I have always kept my distances. Since then I have never talked about Lisa to anyone until now.

“Why did you kill me Dad?” She asks again.

“I had no choice kid, I was afraid that I would not have been able to raise you” I said, guilt on my eyes burdens the eyebrows and the tears wash away the dirt lying on the truth.

“I could have survived Dad, why did you give up on me?” she asked

Noticing my silence she says again “I could have grown old to become the woman you met on the airplane, I could have found the right guy for me, fallen in love and got married, I could have grown to be the old woman you met at the airport and would have seen my grandchildren become as old as you” her voice pierced through the very soul of my being. Her words became the very shackle of guilt and truth; I was ashamed of myself as the past stood in front of me.

“I am so sorry,” I cried loud

“I am so sorry that I was afraid, I was selfish,” I said.

“It’s ok Dad, I am dead anyway” she says and hold my hand.

My tears roll out until the eyes drain themselves; I hold her face into my arms and wipe the blood that runs through her nose. I wipe the tears from those innocent eyes and hug her tight as close as I can to my chest.

“It’s ok Dad, I forgive you,” she says again,

I look into her face and the blood disappeared, she seemed perfectly fine to me just as the girl who knocked to my room.

“I forgive you Dad,” she says again.

“I am sorry, tell me what I should do to try to mend things I have done wrong” I speak

“Go to Lisa and ask for forgiveness,” she says and then she stands and walks towards the porch. As the night steps up to disappear and sun climbs to knock on the horizon, a miraculous light appears around the kid. Within a flash, she turns into this beautiful woman wearing the red dress, curls rounding up on her shoulder and smile seizing the very moment as a miracle.

“Who are you?” I ask

“I am an angel, I came here to help you John,” She says

“Help me?” I ask

“Yes, I know you have been dying of the guilt and the loneliness, and you need a second chance to survive, there is good in you and that why I am here to help you” she says

“Go to Lisa, seek her forgiveness and start your family so you can live happily” she says again and as the sun climbed up she fades with the light into the light.

I open my eyes and find myself lying down in the hospital, doctors around me with the smell of blood and medicine. My eyes flashes and I slip into the sleep again. I wake up in an empty room, with small observations I realize that I am in a hospital and I shout for the doctor.

“Don’t get up, you are still weak” nurse says and hurries to help me lie down.

“What happened?” I ask.

“We found you in the hotel room, seemed you have bled for hours, doctors had to do a surgery for your brain tumor, it had been three days that you have slept Sir” She says.

“Three days? I need to see Lisa, I need to talk to her,” I say.

“Sir your girlfriend is here, she has waited outside” she says

“Lisa? How did she know I am here?” I ask

“Doctors called me, they found my contact in your wallet John” Lisa enters the room.

“I am so sorry Lisa,” I yell

Nurse leaves the room considering the privacy and the moment for a couple.

“I forgive you John” Lisa says and hugs me tight.

Lisa and I have lived together for 3 years now, but every day I remember the moment I met the girl, the old women, the kid and the angel who changed my life.