Akhand Singh

Older Brothers are the strongest part of your childhood. You think about them as friends and saviors, you follow them in their footsteps, and then one day you may be outgrow them.  But you always know why you started following them in the first place, nothing else matters to you, nor the fame, neither the money, because you know you walked in their footsteps for a great and valid reason. I have walked in my brother’s footsteps since the time the stupid thinly spread mustache showed up and looked weird on me. Following him seemed all an attraction at first, he was every one’s favorite, the good son, smart and intelligent and even had the sense to talk to everyone. So to become that image of him, I followed him, but as I grew up, I realized there was this greater and valid reason for which I was following him. I was already what I was but I wanted to be more and eventually I became what I wanted to be.

At this stage of life when I am 25, I realize I have already lived probably the half of my life. But the question that pops up in my mind is “Have I really lived it?” I ask myself everyday now days. Lately, as a reason of this continuous questionnaire I even don’t sleep properly, in fact I haven’t slept in a very long time and when my roommates walk by I simply pretend sleeping to avoid any conversation. Recently I deactivated my Facebook account, I rarely talk on the phone now, I wonder if these are signs of becoming a loner?. Though I guess they are not, I believe I am currently struggling to break the shell of the egg I am in and be born again. I guess that is what I am trying now a days.

Recently I started a new workout schedule, I get out of the bed by 5 and go to the gym,  I stay late at work and at some point of the day I write a few things. This schedule has been working out just perfectly for me, I am occupied and disciplined like old times. Moreover, I am so busy that all the unnecessary hassles of daily life mostly doesn’t bother me. This is just a routine that I am trying to follow so that I may find out what I really want in life.

You know what, talking to few of my friends the other day I realized that most of us don’t know what we actually want in life, I don’t want to be in that herd, I see writing and gym are the two things that really make me happy and pumped up, so I am trying to attain that balance that can eventually cause me to decide if I really want one over another or I would keep doing both in balance.

Earlier today while struggling with some of my worries about the future, I emailed my brother. In a response he simply wrote back the following:

“When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened”

― Winston Churchill

You know what, now I realize that why my brother is older than me and why people admire him, I did walk in his footsteps, but they say it right, everyone is irreplaceable, he proved it. Reading this quote I realize that we mostly live life that is more about nagging of the problem we really never had, rather than enjoying life.

Alright, I am putting a stop on this nagging from now on. And will try to take life in a good spirit. Also quoted from my brother’s email:

“You are still carving yourself, so stick to right things”

Love 🙂 #MyBroIsWise

~ An Empty Glass