Akhand Singh

There is hardly enough time when it comes to let people know how you truly feel about them. Love in itself is complicated just because we don’t understand it anymore. Well it’s not every day one realizes this but there are some days when you really know, you truly know that you made a mess out of your life.

I am not a good guy, not even a better person because if that was me I wouldn’t have survived in today’s world. You can say I am a survivor (most of the times) not just because I have stretched my limits and came this far in minuscule time but also because it isn’t that bad about how I did it. I chose the path of hard work just because I believe that this is the only key that can ever link me to anything thing that is real.  I have been living my life perfectly and happily until today when I met someone who showed me the mirror I should have seen a long time ago and when now there is no time left  I am all devastated and burdened with the feeling and emotions that can’t cross the reservoir.

Early morning today:

“Let’s go to New York” Dean said

“It’s already Saturday man, the weekend is almost over” I said

“Don’t be a pussy, let’s go we’ll have fun” he insists.

“Well let’s go to Boston that would save a lot of time in traveling” I say

“You are dick head aren’t you?” he says, “Alright let’s go to Boston” he agrees unwillingly

And then we get ready for the show and in another half an hour we leave for Boston, while on the way we talk about random shit in life.

“Cigarette?” he asks after picking out one from the pack and as usual I nod and smoke like I have been smoking for last few months now. “If I lay here would you lay with me?” the song really grabs my heart and I start thinking about her until Dean pulls me out of my dreams and yells me for dropping ash into his car.

“We made it to Boston Harbor” I exclaim.

“Let’s party brother” he says and pull over the car.

“We get out and run towards the harbor, the excitements grabs him as much as it grabs me, warm sunny day after such a cold and grave winter just brings the smile which seemed lost into the woods of white cotton. Just when we reach the harbor, he jumps on the walls and points to the ship docked.

“Let’s go on the ship” he says

“Are you crazy, it’s probably restricted” I reply

“You are pussy, come ‘on it will be fun” he insists and I give up again just to find that sometimes it’s fun to break rules and go on a free run.

We jump on the ship deck and then explore the inside of the yacht until the security yells and pulls us out.

“What you doing here?” he says

“This is the restricted area, you are not allowed to roam around here” he says

“We are sorry we didn’t knew that” Dean makes excuses and then we leave.

“Lucky bastard, thank god he didn’t called cops” I say

“Pussy” he laughs

“Let’s go and eat something” I suggest

And we walk down the block to the Star bucks and grabs coffee and muffins for us, “let’s sit here for a while” I suggest.

I have always liked Boston, it’s such a nice city, and mostly I have always enjoyed sitting on this very Star Bucks and enjoying the coffee with the views of the downtown it just makes me happy when I see people around, running, roaming and having fun. It grabs my heart gives me that extra push in life and I go on and on with an open mind excepting everything as life throws on me.

“Yo gymmer, is that Andrea? Dean points

I jump on my feet as I notice Andrea walking on the street. She was my girlfriend until I moved out of the city and long distance didn’t survive, the love turned to hatred and small fights seemed battle as we stopped seeing each other, it’s been more than two years now that we haven’t met, but the huge part of my heart always knew that I love her and that’s why I never moved on, the ego was the only barrier remained and so we never got together again.

“Let’s catch her up” Dean suggests.

“No I don’t think it’s a good idea” I resist.

“Come ‘on pussy, what’s the point of big muscles if you can’t even face your ex” he says. And like all the times, I seemed trapped with his words and we run to catch her.

“Andrea?” He shouts.

“Dean!” she exclaims and hugs him. I just stand there and wave my hand and she does the same.

“Come ‘on guys, you won’t die with a small hug” Dean yells

Andrea extends her arms and I grab her onto mine, the touch en-lights the soul and memories off all good and bad times run towards the core of  my brain, nerves sends cupid all over the body and the warmth just holds me tight. Noticing that the moment became too long she tries to move away and so I unfold my arms and do the same. Her smile still took over my heart like the first time I saw her, the bells ring on my ears and heart plays the very song that I wrote for her.

“What you doing here?” I ask

“I just moved to Boston for my job with Amazon” she says

“Oh that’s nice, congratulation” Dean jumps in.

“Congrats” I extend my hand for a hand shake and she replies in the same manner.

“So you got to give us a treat” Dean insists, and like me even Andrea couldn’t resist and we go to PF Changes to gulp some tasty food.

While sitting, sometimes her eyes would catch mine and notice that they were just trying to take a peak on that beautiful face and sometimes my eyes would catch her with the expression of perpetuating love. I wish we wouldn’t have broken up, she was just perfect for me like I was for her, the happy moments tickle me when I look into her eyes and think about the past.

“Wake up gymmer” Dean shoves me.

I come out of the day dreaming and join the conversation, realizing that Andrea was still looking at me. After finishing the food, we come out to the street and stand there for a while.

“Picture?” Dean asks.

With a node, Andrea and I stand together like old times while Dean tries to capture us together again.

“Say cheezeeeee” Dean says

And while we try to smile, somebody just runs over the street and pushes us, “what the heck” I yell and turn around to lift Andrea.

“Andrea!” I scream blood rolls out of her head; she hit the fire hose while she fell.

“Somebody helps me” I scream

“Dean, Call 911” I yell to him.

But it was too late, her tears roll out to her cheek and she dies with a whisper “I love you Rick”. I kept asking for a second chance but I guess it was too late, the women I loved was gone forever.

That day, I lost the only love of my life moreover I couldn’t even tell her that I loved her so much, that I still loved her and she was the one and only one. Things changed since then, life changed for me and I realized that it’s no longer about just surviving but about loving and expressing the very true nature and love of your heart. Because you only have a few thousands count of breath but several thousands of people you love, moreover they deserves to know about your feelings.

What are you doing now?

Are you busy making money?

Are you busy living for self? Have you ever loved someone ?

if not try then today and if yes then just look out of the narrow window of your mind and explode the balloon of that very emotion you held for such a long. Because my dear friend life doesn’t give you second chance.

~ An Empty Glass