8,18 to 28


Almost about two decades in the past, I turned 8, I have no clue how was it, but I remember that I was so excited with the very concept of people coming over my house for a party, I was excited about cutting the cake, wearing new clothes, distributing chocolates and praying to god. I was excited that it was all about me for at-least once in a year. And then about a decade in the past, I turned 18, the early golden age of my life, as I write, however I wonder how was that time a golden age for me? Well, after pondering a little more, I realize it was the crazy youth in me that was driving me nuts, the very concept of my girlfriend wishing me happy birthday seemed so exciting that I really didn’t care much about anything else. But was it just the girl friend? I guess not exactly, it was a collective thing of other girls in my college and my best friends.

 Birthdays were so special back in those old days at-least for me, they kind of gave me a way out of life for a day and just think about where I was going and where I wanted to go. I recall my “TO DO” list when I turned 18, it wasn’t a real complicated one, for all I really desired was for people to know me for what I was. There was so much of hope and will power to change the course of time, and I wouldn’t say that I failed, I did change all the negativity and difficulties and turned the table around and by the time I turned 21, I was a totally different and improved version of myself with the innate qualities of being a not giving up kind.

And now I walk towards turning 28 someday soon, life is different now, there are lots of responsibilities and complexities, there is a fear and a nest of negativity, there is a slowing down metabolism, the tiring evenings and the sleepy days at work, moreover the pressure to make a difference in the world. I think this is normal for everyone in my age.  May be I am suppose to be like this, grow old, be a part of  a system, count the salary, the hours and the hair or may be not, may be I am supposed to be the same guy I portrayed in my dreams, may be I am supposed to be the same guy I dreamt of being when I was 18. I guess I am supposed to be a little like that, but more of being myself from today. Apparently I realize my life has never been so bad after all. I did have to struggle a lot for a lot of things, maybe sometimes I did struggle to an unimaginable extent, but I believe it is a part of life, moreover the man I am today is because of the boy I was in the past who learnt that doing what you need to do is the only religion and a right thing in the world. I am beyond any caste and culture now, I probably do not fit in traditions even when I pack a seemingly good knowledge of my own roots but I like this freedom.

I recognize I have a habit of getting distracted while I write, anyway coming back to the original subject…

The good thing about today is that I am carrying nothing from the past, I was able to fulfill my “TO DO” list from last year and that sounds about perfect to me, however strangely, I didn’t plan anything for this year, maybe it is an indication of settling down or maybe it is a break from planning and to do something different for a change. I haven’t seem to give up on life yet, there is a lot of hope and the belief that “If life gives me a thousand chances to give up, I would stand against the odds for at-least a thousand and one more times”. I like this positivism that drives me on extreme and gives me strength to imagine beyond the walls of dying.

I am very happy that I made the right choices so far, I am happy that I made and stick to the right friends, I am happy that I stretched myself and explored my skills and I am happy that I am able to write this today.

Peace and Love.

© An Empty Glass, 2014

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